The Sighting… or, Lizzy-ism-ing for Kara
So, this is my way of dealing positively (at least for now) with a potential emotionally harmful situation and also my intense curiosity.
Background Story: I was basically sleeping with Dude off and on for over a year, letting myself believe foolishly that something would come of it. Finally, I decided I was tired of the endless confusion and hurt and realized I deserved to be treated way better. I completely cut it off without saying a word. I deleted Dude from my life. Now, you would think that maybe…just maybe, if you are sleeping with someone for over a year and all of a sudden they stop calling you, texting you and myspace-ing you that you would think, “Hey, what the hell happened to her?” or maybe that’s just a female way of thinking. Anyway, Dude never said a thing. Ouch, that kind of hurts because it suddenly became even more obvious to me that he in fact did not give a shit about me. 2 months later, I am still curious as to how that is possible after a year of sleeping with dude. I begin to ponder about the awkwardness of running into him, the inevitability that it will happen and where and when it will happen when it does. I figured I would run into Dude at Wegmans, at WalMart, some place in Geneva, at a bar, or he would just show up somewhere when Kara came to visit. 2 weeks later, it happens… but not where I thought it would.
The Sighting: Early morning 3am Saturday March 21, 2009… we are at Petro on a late night drunken food adventure after Lauren’s birthday celebration. We are beign obnoxious in the bathroom of said establishment. We walk out of the bathroom and BAM! All of a sudden… there’s Dude! *brief moment of me freaking out followed by awkward forced conversation followed by more freaking out* So…why the hell was Dude by himself at Petro at 3am? I just can’t figure out any logical explanation. I hesitate to send him a message if not only to avoid the terrible, terrible outcome and massive overanalysis that will occur upon his response or lack thereof. He certainly didn’t say anything to me, not that it should surprise me since apparently he finds it normal for someone to stop talking to him after sleeping with them for a year… moving on.
My Story:
Friday March 20, 2009 11pm: Dude has spent entirely too much time alone in front of his computer smoking endless quantities of Cannabis and looking at boobs on webcam chat. He is going slightly crazy from lack of social interaction, mind altering substances and the consumption of nicotine, diet soda and freezer pizzas. His eyesight begins to degenerate from hours upon hours of staring at two computer screens. Dude decides to venture out and get more smokes and diet soda as he has run out. Upon leaving his house, Dude is confronted by a foul-smelling, dirty, crazed looking individual. This individual happens to be your average Genesee St. crackhead. Due to Dude’s diminished level of consciousness, he thinks the crackhead is a zombie. Dude panics.
Friday March 20, 2009 11:30pm: Dude freaks out and runs screaming to his car, the only means of escape as he is cornered by the zombie. He nearly hits the poor “zombie” as he peels out of his driveway. Dude assumes the worst: zombies have taken over Geneva and he must get out immediately. It is only a matter of time before the infestation spreads to neighboring communities and he decides his best option is to head for the country and find an abandoned house.
Saturday March 21, 2009 12am: Dude zooms down 14A and veers onto 318 hoping it’s not too late to stop by the Waterloo Premium Outlet to loot some supplies. On his way, he makes a stop at the North Seneca Sportsman’s club to see if he can procure some firearms as the mangled tire iron he has in the back of his Mazda simply will not do for protection. As he breaks into the Sportsman’s Club, an angry redneck attacks Dude, thinking the Sportsman’s Club is being robbed. Dude instantly assumes this is yet another zombie that must be exterminated. He dispatches the poor angry redneck, hitting him over the head several times with a pool stick. Dude steals the various array of shotguns and ammo out of the redneck’s pickup truck along with a 30 rack of Red Dog. Dude speeds off to the Outlets.
Saturday March 21, 2009 1am: Dude arrives at the Outlet Mall. His lengthy hours in the dark walls of his apartment in front of his computer have skewed his sense of time. He thinks it is actually 6pm and assumes that the zombie outbreak has spread to Waterloo, causing the outlets to close early. He finds a large piece of concrete in a pothole and throws it through storefront windows in order to loot essential supplies. A coincidental glitch in mall security results in his escape. The police have not been notified of the break-ins and the authorities do not come to arrest him. Dude continues to panic as the techno beats in his car and his Cannabis buzz cause his paranoia to intensify.
Saturday March 21, 2009 2:00am: Dude decides to head north past the Thruway. Upon seeing the Petro station, he realizes his sudden need to drop a serious deuce and thinks it would be nice to grab some chicken fried steak at Iron Skillet for the road. On his way to the bathroom, he gets distracted by the Arcade. After some time, he remembers his dire situation and heads into the men’s room to drop his massive load before continuing on his zombie escape. Once he is in the bathroom, Dude gets distracted once again. He is perplexed by the various dirty things that truckers have written on the walls of the bathroom. In his relaxed and relieved state, Dude comes down from his high and completely forgets about his quest to escape the zombies. “Wait, what the shit am I doing here?”, Dude wonders as he leaves the bathroom.
Saturday March 21, 2009 3am: As Dude exits the bathroom, he runs into a group of drunk girls being obnoxious outside the ladies room. He notices one of the girls and realizes it’s this really awesome girl Liz who was totally all about him for a mad long time and loved his baldness. “Hey, whats up!”, Dude said as he thought about what a sex-goddess she was and what amazing back rubs she used to give him and how he completely fucked that all up for himself by being a douchebag. Suddenly, his gaming instincts kicked in and the need to rush back to his computer and smoke the reefer overcame him. He got in his car and drove away. The End.
